Great Oak Gazette

Mimi Nyx’29

Staff Writer

This assignment is late. I know it is. But it’s better to submit something late than not submit it at all. At least, that’s what my mom always tells me.

Lately,  I’ve been skipping assignments, meetings, and practices—and for what? My life is so easy, and I’m so lucky to have the fortune and family I do. So why do I always feel like this? Why can’t I escape this feeling of loneliness?

Since moving here, I’ve been going through the same motions day after day, week after week. Even though I’m surrounded by people, I still feel so alone. In two months, it will be a new year. Oddly enough, this time last year, I was still with you. I was holding your hand as we walked down the street on Halloween in our stupid matching costumes. I was hugging you as we sat next to each other in history class. Honestly, I would hug you over every little thing you achieved, lost, or even did just okay at— because a hug from you was my favorite thing in the world.

Moving here was supposed to be my fresh start, but it already feels stale—like the air here isn’t quite as sweet because I know you aren’t breathing it with me. I know you’re not dead; we talked just yesterday. You’ve met someone else, moved on, and have new friends now. And even though you still text me, and we call every couple months, it’s just not the same at all.

We’re supposed to pretend nothing ever happened. You pretend you didn’t panic when I fell off the swings and insisted on trying to carry me home. You pretend you didn’t kiss me on the cheek in the hallway after I completely bombed a test. I know you’re pretending—because after everything we’ve been through, how could you forget? All this is my funny way of saying I loved you. I loved you so much. I still do. I know I shouldn’t, but I think I always will.