Great Oak Gazette

Noelle Bohac

The air was cold, as it always seemed to be these days. Wind blew by like a burning fire, drying his face more and more with each step. His eyes became more inflamed as each gust hit his face, but he continued down the snow-covered street. Saying nothing, he kept his head down and locked on the crisp, white powder building beneath his feet.

Despite his teeth chattering , he never in his life had he felt so hot in his heart. He clenched his fists tight in the pockets of his jacket. In his head, he felt like he had been running for hours, carrying the heavy anvils of his life on his shoulders the entire time. His mind was fuzzy, yet each step carried him onto the upturned road that led him to that one place he knew, the one comfort he found so dear to him.

He opened his eyes after a moment, seeing the gray walls of the apartment building. It almost seemed blue in the light of the half-set sun, the clouds hiding the bright red and yellows of the sky like never before. 

He stared quietly at the door before bringing a weak hand to it, gently tapping his knuckles to the glass.

“Hello? Anyone…?” his words seemed to trail, unable to be continued when his breath caught in his tightened throat. But he swallowed it down. “Anyone home? Or…awake, at least?”

His voice was gravely, his whole body trembling with cold and desperation. When he was met with no answer, he sighed, pressing his head to the door. 

He had slept on these steps before when he felt like this. He always got up before anyone found him, but whenever he was met with no answer, he just laid himself down, taking the warmth seeping from the bottom of the door as if it was his only craving. 

It wasn’t like he didn’t have anywhere else to go. He had friends, money, a great job even, and yet…he always felt himself locked to the steps. 

He stared at the sidewalk in front of him, gently tapping the heel of his shoe against the bottom step of the stairs. He couldn’t sleep here again, and for once he wasn’t making that decision out of his vanity. She told him months ago to stop coming by this apartment and loitering all night.

So, after a moment, he stood with a groan, his teeth clenching. His bones weren’t as strong as they used to be, but they still enabled him to move. He stood from the concrete steps, a pretty big leap if he could say so himself. For once, he gave himself enough strength to not cling to the doorway like a poor child, and step back onto the snow-covered sidewalk. 

A sigh escaped his lips. The cold air surrounding him revealed a large breath to nonexistent people. But, as he stood there, ready to leave, he didn’t move. He just stared at the glistening, wet front of his boots, and tried to stop himself from overthinking. To stop himself from doing something stupid.

But, of course, his logical brain was overruled by the king that was his beating heart. He turned on his heel, pulling his hands out of his pockets. He stared at her window, covered in a layer of cold frost as the snow fell and melted against it. He felt his heart pound faster, beat after beat, ringing in his ears.

“I know… I know you know I’m down here!” he yelled, his voice stiff from the cold. It had been strained for years, but now it sounded so much more ragged. So worn and old, just like how she probably saw him now.

He let out a slight grumble, his teeth clenched tight. He didn’t know what to do, not when standing out in the cold alone like this. His peers would definitely be laughing at his pathetic face, asking what in the world he was doing? Why was he out here, in the cold, yelling at a random apartment window? Didn’t he have better things to do? His great job, all of his money and friends? He had a penthouse surrounding his bedroom for God’s sake!

And yet…he found himself staring at that old, frozen window, the icicles hanging from the pipes above it. A place he probably would have never given a second glance at before. “Come— ah…! Come on, please! I know you told me to stop doing this, but please, I can’t help it!” he cried, flailing his arms left and right. He could hear the fear ringing in his ears…. Pathetic. What are you doing!? 

“I know, I know you’re tired of me. You’ve made that… quite clear before, but I don’t know what else to do with myself! I haven’t been able to sleep for the past few weeks, I haven’t been able to think at work, and I haven’t been able to do absolutely anything! Not when I know you still live near me. Not when I remember loving you…” he cut himself off, bringing a hand to his face, running it across his cold, dry skin. Aged and old, so different from hers. He shouldn’t be saying things like this so suddenly. 

He waited for a long time, standing there in silence, listening to the wind blow like a joke. A mocking gesture by those angels of love, all trying to finish freezing his old, hardened heart.

It felt like days had passed in his head when he heard the crack of thick frost on the window above him. It pushed open with a gliding movement, and the sound of it resisting the ending movement made a soft bang. He stared desperately at the apartment window, neck tilted back. It was like he was in awe, ready to worship whatever exited that small opening into the room. 

And there peeked out her head. As if a relieving medicine poured down his throat, he felt his body lose its tension, the deep ache that had sat in his heart for  years by now. He let out a shaky sigh, and the environment around him felt so much warmer, like his heart was finally defrosting. It was as if the sun was rising over the frozen wasteland of his soul. 

It was quiet between them, her tired eyes staring down at him, trying to process who it was. She already knew— of course she did— but she still found herself rendering his features, even from such a far distance above.

“What are you doing here? What have I told you about coming by my apartment?” she questioned, her voice almost a whisper. It was easy to hear, the only sound between them being the chilling cold wind that kept intruding between them. He didn’t say anything for a long moment, just staring up at her. She was blurry, too far away for him to see every little feature that he had come to love so dearly. But he didn’t care, not a single bit. He was just glad to hear her once again. It had been too long since she had genuinely spoken to him. 

“I know, I know, and I’m sorry. I really am,” he stammered out, bowing his head. His vanity felt buried, his ability to feel humiliated by what he was doing overshadowed by the desire to see her. “It’s just… it’s been a tough couple of weeks, you know? Work has been crazy with the holidays and all coming up, my friends are all out of town, and I just thought that maybe I could come see you again.” His eyes almost flickered away from hers, trying to hide the nervousness that poured over his features. 

She didn’t say anything. A pause. A feeling of dread fell over him, a fear that once again she would shoo him away. He didn’t have any right to be there, especially with such lame excuses to cover his desperation to be with her again, but he couldn’t help himself. Not now. Not when he was feeling pain every day and night that he didn’t have her near him. 

He heard a quiet sigh, and watched her lean against the windowsill with her forehead in her hand. “Well, you saw me. What else do you need?” she asked, looking down at him with half-lidded eyes.

He swallowed his anxiety and took a step forward. He tried to let out a soft chuckle to try and lessen their tension just a bit, but it fell flat. “Nothing, nothing really. I was just wondering if maybe we could…uhm…” he paused messily, his hand going to the hat atop his head. He pulled it off, letting his hair fall free. He suddenly felt so hot in his winter clothes, even with the snow 

building at his feet right then. He just stood there for a while, letting his thoughts fight for a winner. He let out a grunt, “Maybe we could have some coffee sometime? Celebrate the holidays a bit?”

He said it, of course he did. I probably shouldn’t have, was the thought that quickly raced to him, but it was too late. 

He waited for a reaction, for anything. For her to yell at him, to tell him to go away and stop coming here. But even after a few minutes passed, she said nothing.

Finally, he heard a mumble. A mumble almost unreal to him:

“That actually sounds… quite lovely, yes….”

He stared at her with his lips parted in a small “o.” She said yes. She looked down at him, into the eye, and said yes. And even more to his amazement, she smiled. It was like she couldn’t believe what she was doing, and yet, she still wanted to. She still wanted to say yes, to go out for coffee, and maybe celebrate the holidays together.

Her own friends were out of town, her family miles away, and no one had invited her to anything. And yet, this one man, one she hadn’t spoken to in so long by now, was the one standing by her window once again, just for the sake of spending a few minutes with her.

She remembered when they broke up, and when their love faded. It was mutual. Something quiet and very subtle, with no hard feelings. She had always adored him, but work piled up. They built a wall between themselves and began to question each other. She thought he lost interest back then.

Clearly, that did not happen. And after so long of holding a grudge… she knew she had to let go. Give him a chance. Not just for him, but for herself. For that girl still desperate for him. He smiled back at her, and she quietly laughed. The snow seemed to slow its assault on the town, and the wind faded. The area fell silent, and they could almost hear each other’s hearts pounding.

“What time?” she asked, crossing her arms on the windowsill.

“Tomorrow, eleven a.m.. Is that alright?” he asked her, possibly a bit too frantically. She soon nodded, trying to match his enthusiasm.

“I can’t wait.” She smiled even wider.

He felt like a young boy again, like some lovesick teen. His friends would likely make fun of him, call him emotional or pathetic, but he didn’t care. She gave him a chance, and that was all he needed to breathe in this cold again.